Define Your Moment

"When a defining moment comes along, you can do one of two things. Define the moment, or let the moment define you".

This quote is from the Movie, "Tin Cup".  It's about making choices.  It's about living without regret because you let something in your past define who you think you are or what you can or cannot do.

Webster's Dictionary defines Free Will as:

1 : voluntary choice or decision - I do this of my own free will-

2 : freedom of humans to make choices that are not determined by prior causes or by divine intervention

 

The second definition resounds with so much truth.  To have free will, we make a choice that is not about our past experiences, our failures, our feelings about ourselves.  It's when we make a choice based on what feels RIGHT in the moment.  It can be as simple as going on a date for the first time and ignoring the self talk that tells you it will probably not go well and that he'll have bad breath like the last.  It can be as complicated as having anxiety in the days leading up to your wedding and choosing to go ahead because you love this person and not desisting because you don't feel worthy of someone so amazing.  These are all real examples from clients I've worked with.  Every person is the TRUE source of his or her thoughts and actions. 

 

Within every moment is the beauty of free will.  No one holds a gun to your head to make you do anything.  Even someone's cruel words towards you have no effect when you know who you are.  There again is free will. The choice to choose to act of what is said or done to you, or to ignore it so that their words fall off you like water off a ducks back. 

 

If you listen to your gut, if you open to your intuition, you will make the right decision in the moment.  How many times have you done something, basing the choice on what your head tells you and not your heart.  And how many times have you told yourself, "I should have listened to my gut" because your head led you in the wrong direction.  I know I have. 

 

Don't rush when making choices, no matter how important they may be.  It is in the quiet space between the musical notes that you find the meaning, through emotion (how it moves you), of the piece.  Without that quiet, it would all be noise.

 

Mediate, or just stop,close your eyes, and go inside yourself. And in that silence, put out and compare your choices.  The one that echoes back to you with joy, relief, warmth, happiness, calmness, or quietness is the one to go with.  It is the one your heart and soul know is right for you.  And that feeling will come in the now, not from the past.  Such a simple technique yet so powerful. 

Then .. act!  You've defined the moment by making a choice that felt right to you and for you.

"Life is like a game of cards.  The hand that is dealt you represents determinism; the way you play it is free will".  Jawaharal Nehru

 

 

 

“Liberation occurs when you give up your story”

 

Freedom comes when you finally choose to let go.  When you let go of all that you think you are and move towards what you really are, you become limitless.

If you listen closely to yourself, whether or not you’ve reached the depths of despair, there will come a time when you will find that it is necessary to let things go. And despair is a tremendous motivator.  Let go of fettering beliefs that hold you back.  Maybe it’s because they are too heavy. Maybe it’s because they are shackling you.  Maybe it’s because you are constantly tripping over them, with bleeding knees.  Maybe it’s because you’re tired of the pain of those bloodied knees!

 Your story was not written by you.  You may have forgotten that as you looked to the world to define you.  Take the pen and begin again with the ink of free will.  Choose not to wear your story like an old pair of pants that are tattered and ill fitting.  Choose instead to courageously go through your “closet” and, with determination, throw out what no longer suits you nor fits your tastes today.  Let the story you re-write breathe and give it room to bend to the winds of change and the flexibility to allow for choice as you desire them.

 Let go of anger that blocks your ability to speak your truth.  Let go of sadness that prevents love from flowing in or out of your heart.  Let go of loneliness that impedes a friendship with yourself to grow.

 When you finally decide to give it all up, to do the work to grow and evolve, like the Phoenix rising out of the ashes, you ascend reborn, completely liberated, refreshed and free.

Let go of your story and create anew…………..

 

Dissing Yourself is Not Being Your Own Best Friend

 

We often speak to ourselves in mean, condescending and ridiculing ways.  We say things like, “You’re so stupid’, “No wonder no one listens to me”, “I’ll never be happy”, and “I hate myself”!  If you stopped to listen to your negative inner voice you’d find that it doesn’t think much of you.  But the crux of the matter is that it’s YOU that feels this way.  Even if you shoot the blame out to others, like your Partner, your Parents, your Boss, your Friend, it doesn’t solve the problem.  It may bring you some relief in the short run but in the long run, the toxicity remains.

Our inner voice is only echoing our inner truth, that which we believe about ourselves.  And that voice is reaching up from the depths of your own subconscious mind that is the protector of your beliefs without judgment!  It doesn’t sit there and evaluate what it brings to your consciousness because that’s not its job.  That job is to protect what you believe with powerful and ruthless efficiency.

Stopping to listen is an opportunity to ask yourself, “Is that REALLY my truth?”  Or, ask yourself, “Would I say this to my best Friend about her?”  And here can begin an amazing journey to re-write the script that is playing within you.  It is only in recognizing what is behind those hurtful words that you can to choose again what you feel about yourself. 

Write down these self depreciating strings of cruel words about yourself and then immediately write the positive opposite.  Read it out loud!!  Even if it doesn’t feel like your truth, fake it till you make it!  You’ve begun the process of feeding your mind something good and it does listen.  Simply observing can bring your self talk topics to the forefront.  Sometimes “I’m so stupid” can pass into and out of your mind so quickly you miss it completely.  By being aware of it you catch it more often and can do something about it. 

Self Healing happens! Self Healing isn’t a gift given to a select few. It is an intrinsic ability we all have. It’s not magic, a miracle or a phenomenon. It’s about digging deep and listening to your heart and intuition. It’s about opening and connecting with yourself to find the answers about why you think, feel and act the way you do. It’s about changing your consciousness and asking yourself questions about not what you do or how you do it, but why you do it!  You know WHAT you do and HOW you do it. But the why can seem elusive.

Seek help and you shall find it.  Explore through meditation, journaling, hypnotherapy, and any other source of information that can teach you about the nature of your feeling mind, your Subconscious Mind and how to coach it to be a positive speaking best Friend.

 

 

 

 

A leap of faith.  Yes, it takes courage.  Yes, it takes determination.  Yes, it may be against what you feeling inside.  Yes, it may make you feel vulnerable. 

What if the Universe has your back – no matter what? How much braver would you be? How many more chances would you take at work and in your relationships?

If you have been contemplating it, then perhaps you are ready.  So here are some quotes to help you as you stand at the edge of the cliff looking out towards what you desire.  The leap may seem daunting but if you want what is making your heart sing true, then take the risk!

 “Don’t fear failure so much that you refuse to try new things. The saddest summary of life contains three descriptions: could have, might have, and should have.” - Louise E. Boone

 

“Those who wish to sing will always find a song.” - Celtic Proverb

 

“Why do you stay in prison when the door is so wide open?” - Rumi

 

“Energy and persistence conquer all things.” - Benjamin Franklin

 

“Transformation is something I cannot explain - too much analysis might destroy it.” - Sophia Loren

 

“Fear less, hope more, eat less, chew more, whine less, breathe more, talk less, say more, hate less, love more, and good things will be yours.” - Swedish Proverb

 

“Don’t ask yourself what the world needs; ask yourself what makes you come alive. And then go and do that. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive.” - Harold Whitman

 

“Be at least as interested in what goes on inside you as what happens outside. If you get the inside right, the outside will fall into place.” - Eckhart Tolle

 

“Be not afraid of growing slowly. Be only afraid of standing still.” - Chinese Proverb

 

“Those who dance are called insane by those who don't hear the music.” - Eddie Vedder

“If you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change.
~Wayne Dyer

Trust - It's in you

 



Each day I am blessed to partner with people who decided that they had had enough of their fears, insecurities, shames, angers and guilts.  I cannot tell you how empowering that feels, not from an ego state (aren’t I great) but from the heart state (aren’t I lucky).

 

I thank each and every client that I’ve had the opportunity to listen to, guide, cajole, empathize with, and educate, for honouring me with their memories of fear, who gave me their trust so that they could, in turn, heal themselves.  Each has given me the gift of learning as well in that I have grown with each experience on this journey we call Life. 

 

My biggest lesson in this life has been to trust.  Yes, trust.  I would only let people in so deep, even though I was perceived as so open and engaging.  I created a shield around my heart for inside, I was so afraid to be hurt and disappointed.  Marshmallow on the outside and granite on the inside is how I was once described by my wonderful Fiancé.  And rather than get angry at a perceived criticism (which had been my way of defending myself), I felt the truth of this statement and by doing so, I could ferret out the root cause of my distrust.  Hypnosis and clarity for me ensued, with some sweat and tears on the way to my enlightenment.

 

I liken this process of becoming more aware of yourself as to waking from a dream.  In the dream we are being led by our subconscious mind as it is processing what we are experiencing externally.  It also leads us, based on our beliefs, through every waking moment because, in actual fact, the subconscious mind never sleeps!  We have no control of what we are dreaming about (unless you lucid dream which is a dream in which you know you are dreaming. Typically this happens when the dreamer experiences something strange, and when they stop to question their reality, they realize they are in a dream. Lucid dreams happen naturally on occasion, although some people may have them naturally more often than others).   As your awareness grows through self work, you find yourself more conscious of your thoughts and their internal triggers. This is when you take back control.  It’s the opportunity that is presented to create something different.  And it can also happen when you are so hurt, in pain, licking the bottom of the barrel, that you have the thought, “Have I had enough yet”?  When the answer is yes, you begin walking the path to finding your authentic self.

Through my work on my ‘self’ and working with others, I realize deeply the value of trust.  That it is something you can’t get from any one or any thing until you have it within yourself.  I love the expression, “Your outer world is an expression of your inner world”.  And that means that if your world looks scary, makes you angry, sad or lost, then it is actually you that feels these feelings and they colour your view of every situation you encounter.  And I find myself being more and more authentic as my fear to let people see the “inner me” becomes easier as I no longer judge myself so harshly.  Am I perfect?  Hell no.  Am I done?  Thankfully not.  We are all works in progress.  But each shift I make in my perception of myself, each old, false, ugly belief I overcome, brings me deeper into a state of peace.  And the more I observe how I feel and the thoughts attached to those feelings, the more I am able to do the work to change and have more TIME in peacefulness. 

 

So I appreciate my client’s vulnerability and authenticity for the simple message they conveyed – “I am willing to trust myself to trust you”.

Anxiety - Take back control

 

 

Anxiety does not empty tomorrow of its sorrows, but only empties

today of its strength.
Charles Spurgeon

If there was ever an age of anxiety, ours would be it. All of us experience mild anxiety, regularly, but for some, anxiety escalates to forebodings of disaster and even into full-blown, debilitating panic attacks. There are some for whom anxiety develops progressively over time; for others, it attacks suddenly. The discomfort is often compounded by fear of experiencing the anxiety or panic itself. Surprisingly, very little has been written about this important subject in books about hypnosis. Some Hypnotherapists won't even touch the problems of anxiety and panic attacks. This is an important and regrettable omission. Hypnotherapy can be a powerful ally in helping people to develop a sense of power and confidence, in spite of the “normal” anxieties that are a part of daily living.


Extreme anxiety and full-fledged panic attacks can be triggered by single events or a series of events. They can arise out of ones own experience or from the experience of others. Some years ago, while in a Paris Subway, I experienced a sudden onset of panic that made it impossible for me to travel on the Underground. This effects lasted for several years, in that it extended itself to panic in underground parking lots, elevators, or any enclosed space. At the time I was bewildered as to what in the world could have caused this panic. I did notice that after many years, the symptoms did lessen but the anxiety in situations of perceived danger still remained .  Later on, I discovered that my panic came from a combination of my own experience and experiences of another family member who was severely claustrophobic.  While in my training to become a Hypnotherapist, I dealt with the issue guided by my Instructor. The learning was invaluable and in dealing with the cause of my issue, the symptoms literally disappeared.

Anxiety and panic can be triggered by accidents, illnesses or the deaths of friends or family members--incidents that suddenly thrust people before their own contingency.

For some individuals, anxiety attacks, such as the ones I suffered, have a sudden onset and may leave as mysteriously as they began. In severe cases of anxiety or panic--those that don′t go away--symptoms are readily apparent, while the true causes remain unknown. There appears to be no particular incident or condition to cause the panic attacks; no recalled “Trauma”, therefore, the cause, hidden from the person, remains a threat because it is unresolved. The fear response occurs when there is, seemingly, nothing to fear; in fact, soon, ones panic is over the fear of the panic returning.

Some panic attacks are triggered by seemingly innocuous incidents that symbolize some event or condition earlier in the person's life. A carpenter became anxious and even panicked whenever he had to go near a roof--a very limiting experience for a homebuilder. Regressing him to the source, he recalled that he had been working on a roof a few years earlier and had slipped. Although he quickly caught himself and his conscious mind shrugged off the incident as unimportant, his subconscious imprint remained, leading to his fear of falling. Once he was aware that his anxiety came from such a simple incident, his panic disappeared, altogether.

I also dealt with a client with severe OCD.  This compulsive behavior was towards personal safety and fear of illness.  This caused the compulsion of repeated hand washing up to 50 times a day.  This led to social stigma (friends making fun of her), anxiety about social situations (who had touched her plate or food when out dining with friends) and even anger at loved ones for telling her “it’s all in your head”.  Well, guess what, it is!  But not in the way they put it. 

 

The Benefits of Hypnotherapy
Hypnotherapy is effective in helping people with either mild or severe cases of anxiety. In mild cases, simple reprogramming thought patterns can give people relief. In more severe cases, it is necessary to discover the source of the anxiety before any relearning can take place.

Hypnotic suggestions replace catastrophic thoughts or over-anxiousness with truthful statements about the nature of the symptoms and the realization that physical sensations can cause no harm. Hypnosis can slow the heartbeat, create a sense of balance and relaxation through deep breathing, free the throat to swallow, overcome sensations of temperature changes and stomach upsets, and promote clear-headedness.

Hypnotherapy is frequently an important adjunct to counseling. Some counseling techniques use de-sensitization procedures to help the client eliminate anxiety by gradually helping them face and deal with experiences without apprehension. Using hypnosis at the subconscious level of the mind, from which the anxiety is arising, can accelerate this process, considerably. The client most often experiences their anxiety leaving them, and doing so naturally without much conscious effort on his or her part.

Whether in the recent past or in the distant past, some events leave negative psychological imprints. Sometimes they are forgotten or unrecognized for the detrimental effect they produce. Such negative imprints can be left by traumatic incidents, or by minor events that were misunderstood when they occurred. Hypnotic, or altered state, procedures can seek out these causal events involved in the initial development or onset of the problem. Age-regression is one of the most beneficial techniques available to people who suffer anxiety because it can be so effective in uncovering causes. Hypnotic procedures using age regression simply help the client to go back in their memory to the time and place where a problem originated. In the case of anxiety or panic attacks, this can be something that occurred only a few weeks prior to coming for assistance or it can be in childhood. For some, it can go back even further in their existence.

My clients continued to benefit from the use of several hypnotic techniques that helped them explore their past and the causes of their present anxiety and panic. Their anxiety was dramatically alleviated and, much to their relief, they have been able to return to their work and personal relationships with confidence.

 

Hypnosis and Relationships – The Mind-Heart Connection

 

Help has arrived for those who wish to improve their relationships any day of the Year

It’s St. Valentine’s Day and for many, it is a day of dread and emotional turmoil.  For many, there is no one to share the celebration of Love with.  For others, it’s a sad reminder of the deterioration of their relationship and even finding a card is a challenge as they don’t “feel the love”.  “All human beings are involved in relationships, often several simultaneously. Whether these relationships involves child-parent, husband-wife, employer-employee, teacher-student, lover-lover, friend-friend or individual-group, relationships can and do develop problems, misunderstandings, differences, changes of feelings or other challenging elements,” says Rosa Livingstone, principal of  A Load Off Your Mind Hypnotherapy in New Westminster, B.C.  “Relationship problems can affect home life, work, education, attitude, and motivation, and even health. Symptoms of relationship discord may include anger, sadness, hurt, and loss of self-esteem, depression and anxiety.  Hypnotherapy can uncover the causes of such problems, getting to the “heart” of the matter and bringing to it the healing power of understanding. Hypnotherapy can eliminate feelings of rejection, hurts, frustration and resentments. Communications can be re-established, confidence reacquired and creative solutions developed.


The clients whom she sees all suffer from compromised self esteem at one level or another.  Some are unable to maintain a relationship.  Others are struggling within a relationship.  The underlying issue is that logically, they are not aware of the cause.  Logically, the mind justifies and gives explanations for their situations such as, “it’s not me, it’s her/him”, “He tells me I’m needy yet I don’t call or email more than a few times a day”, “She’s a great Lady but after a few months, I felt it was time to move to the next level and I didn’t feel the same way anymore”.  The logical part of the mind can explain away anything.  It’s what helps us make sense of our worlds.  However, we live our lives behind an unseen wall of emotional fears and anxieties.  It’s the emotional distress each client presents with that cannot be rationalized. ``It is coming from the subconscious mind, the seat of all our emotions based on our beliefs about ourselves and our World.  This part of our mind is 95% of our functioning.  95% of the time, we are all reacting to old programming learned as a child,`` explains Rosa.


But, the common thread here is fear.  Fear of being judged.  Fear of not being good enough.  Fear of not living up to others expectations.  Fear of speaking our minds.  Fear of disappointment and of disappointing.  Fear of rejection.  And ALL of these fears are based upon a belief compromising self esteem.


In the example of “It’s not me, it’s him”, a client felt that she does everything to make her partner happy.  The underlying issue for her was that she wasn’t good enough.  With her underlying fear of rejection, she overcompensated by trying to be what he wanted at all times.  This is difficult at best but what can often happen is that a person loses their own identity in a relationship.  In this case, she was actually smothering her husband.


Perhaps the most important challenge in relationships is communication. Merely talking things out is an indispensable feature, but it is much more simply said than done. Why? The response is that numerous people do not communicate efficiently. It is not that they don't desire to - they may urgently desire to work out problems, clarify viewpoints, and talk about differences. The difficulty may be that they cannot communicate since even with sensitive ears they cannot hear!


Communication can trigger all sorts of emotional hurts when the hurts are close to the surface.  This causes guards to come up, barriers to be fortified and listening skills to fly out the window. It becomes about self protection and preservation.


Through Rosa`s Hypnotherapy practice, she offers the opportunity for people to heal relationship challenges.  She assists individuals learn to have authentic relationships by helping them to heal from the inside. She offers clients her own non judgemental care and acceptance in the conduction of these sessions and assisting in gaining access to the powerful subconscious mind where true transformations can, and do, occur.

For Information: 

778-238-2427

aloadoffyourmind@telus.net