As a teenager, I was part of a group of singers and dancers in my small town that performed around town at everything from Summer Fest to inauguration cermonies for the Elk's Club.  I enjoyed the opportunity to sing and impart our creativity to the local yocals. 

 

The most memorable performance, which I've never forgotten, was singing to the live-ins at a Senior's Centre.  Our Director decided that I was to sing "Always" written by Irving Berlin in 1925.  It was a popular WW2 song.

 

Little did I know how much it would affect the audience.  Nor did I realize the lasting impression it would have on me.  As I sang along and reached the chorus, a few voices raised to join mine.  These were the voices of the Pensioner's who remembered what it was like during the war and it touched them that a 15 year old could revive their memories and hearts.  I can say that it was a struggle to finish as I saw tears slide down a few wrinkled faces.  Afterwards, we all had tea and cookies and I sat talking to so many of these wise and wonderful people.  They had so much to say, so much knowledge to impart.  For an afternoon, they didn't feel pushed to the back of bus as un-needed, no longer productive.  I learned something so beautiful that day.  That their memories are our foundation.  That there is so much that they can offer if we just ask and take the time to listen.

 

I found this piece below and it brought it all back for me.  Our Elders are not disposable. They have what we have not yet attained.  Experience, knowledge and wisdom only acquired through many, many years of navigating this thing we call life.  As a society of nuclear families, we've lost the stories of our heritage, our ancestors, passed along orally.  No longer do we have Grandparent's who live with us or nearby to offer us the gift of love only they can give.  I wish I knew then what I know now..how lucky I was to have Grandparents living with my parents for my first 11 years.  And I DO have stories that I cherish today.  I wish that I'd listened longer, asked more often to hear about their lives, and committed those treasures to heart.

 

So listen and learn from the lessons below.  90 years from now they will still be as valuable and recognizable as they are today. 

45 Life Lessons, written by a 90 year old  

1. Life isn’t fair, but it’s still good.
2. When in doubt, just take the next small step.
3. Life is too short not to enjoy it.
4. Your job won’t take care of you when you are sick. Your friends and family will.
5. Don’t buy stuff you don’t need.
6. You don’t have to win every argument. Stay true to yourself.
7. Cry with someone. It’s more healing than crying alone.
8. It’s OK to get angry with God. He can take it.
9. Save for things that matter.
10. When it comes to chocolate, resistance is futile.
11. Make peace with your past so it won’t screw up the present.
12. It’s OK to let your children see you cry.
13. Don’t compare your life to others. You have no idea what their journey is all about.
14. If a relationship has to be a secret, you shouldn’t be in it.
15. Everything can change in the blink of an eye… But don’t worry; God never blinks.
16. Take a deep breath. It calms the mind.
17. Get rid of anything that isn’t useful. Clutter weighs you down in many ways.
18. Whatever doesn’t kill you really does make you stronger.
19. It’s never too late to be happy. But it’s all up to you and no one else.
20. When it comes to going after what you love in life, don’t take no for an answer.
21. Burn the candles, use the nice sheets, wear the fancy lingerie. Don’t save it for a special occasion. Today is special.
22. Overprepare, then go with the flow.
23. Be eccentric now. Don’t wait for old age to wear purple.
24. The most important sex organ is the brain.
25. No one is in charge of your happiness but you.
26. Frame every so-called disaster with these words, ‘In five years, will this matter?’
27. Always choose Life.
28. Forgive but don’t forget.
29. What other people think of you is none of your business.
30. Time heals almost everything. Give Time time.
31. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.
32. Don’t take yourself so seriously. No one else does.
33. Believe in miracles.
34. God loves you because of who God is, not because of anything you did or didn’t do.
35. Don’t audit life. Show up and make the most of it now.
36. Growing old beats the alternative — dying young.
37. Your children get only one childhood.
38. All that truly matters in the end is that you loved.
39. Get outside every day. Miracles are waiting everywhere.
40. If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else’s, we’d
grab ours back.
41. Envy is a waste of time. Accept what you already have, not what you think you need.
42. The best is yet to come…
43. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.
44. Yield.
45. Life isn’t tied with a bow, but it’s still a gift.

     

∞ September 17, 2012

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via reginabrett.com

100 Tips About Life, People and Happiness

Tonight my 18 year old Son introduced me to a site called stumbleupon.com.  And I was impressed with what he'd been looking at and reading.  One particular piece of information provided on the site by http://inoveryourhead.net/100-tips-about-life/ was so arrow straight when thinking about how to make a happy life.  Simple yet so thought provoking - a hodge podge of ideas to turn you onto living a live more authentically. 

So I had to share.....

100 Tips About Life, People, and Happiness

1. True wisdom and insight is always free.

2. Give your power over to no one.

3. Going into the unknown is how you expand what is known.

4. Get a library card.

5. Spend more time around people that both challenge and respect you.

6. Remain skeptical forever.

7. Fight for what matters.

8. There is a method that works. Find it.

9. Join a movement.

10. Drink your coffee black.

11. Never let anyone photoshop a picture of you. It creates a false sense of self-confidence.

12. Read more. Especially things you disagree with.

13. Get used to feeling stupid. It’s a sign of growth.

14. It’s easy for people to talk a good game, so watch how they behave instead.

15. Learn something from everyone.

16. Find things that inspire you and pursue them, even if there’s no money in it.

17. Starve if you have to, for as long as you need to.

18. Survive on a little just to prove you can do it.

19. Get one big success at an early age. It’ll help build your confidence for bigger things.

20. Do what you say you’ll do. No one is reliable anymore.

21. Be comfortable with abandonment, even of parts of your identity.

22. Learn a new language.

23. Eat more protein.

24. Keep people around you that will tell you the truth.

25. Genius gets you nowhere. Execution is everything.

26. If given the choice of equity or cash, always take cash.

27. Meet new people as often as possible. Offer to help them.

28. Don’t discriminate. Connect anyone in your network to anyone else.

29. If you can’t do a pull-up, you have a problem.

30. Nobody likes a know-it-all.

31. Get a passport. Fill it up with stamps no one has ever seen.

32. Quit your horrible job.

33. Read biographies. It’s like having access to the best mentors in history.

34. Go to bed, and wake up, early. No one will bother you, letting your best work emerge.

35. Scare yourself a little bit every day. It will expand your inner map.

36. Learn to climb trees.

37. Don’t buy a lot of stuff, and only buy the stuff you really love.

38. Be humble and curious.

39. Twitter followers don’t keep you warm at night.

40. Be as useful as you can in as many circumstances as possible.

41. Show up.

42. Repeat people’s names when you meet them.

43. Turn internet access off your phone. Wifi is fine.

44. Get a deck of Oblique Strategies cards. Use them.

45. Make your home a place where you feel safe.

46. Take people up on bets. Make more bets yourself.

47. Take cold showers. They’re better than coffee.

48. Learn to enjoy hunger.

49. Make everything either shorter, or longer, than it needs to be.

50. Always remember those who helped you. Deliver two or three times as much value back.

51. But also, help people who have never helped you, and can’t.

52. When you know that pain is temporary, it affects all of your decisions.

53. Get a tattoo. Don’t worry about regret.

54. Commit to things, regularly, that are far beyond your ability.

55. Meet with friends more often than you think you have to.

56. Learn to meditate. Go on a retreat if you have to.

57. Your stories are both more and less interesting than you think.

58. Learn to really listen.

59. Walk more.

60. Ugly is just a step on the way to beautiful.

61. Get to know your neighbours.

62. Don’t take anything personally, ever.

63. Consider avoiding school. Go to lots of conferences instead.

64. As soon as you can, buy some art.

65. Apologize more than you need to.

66. Find out if there will be food there.

67. A good haircut changes everything.

68. Read Man’s Search For Meaning.

69. Say no to projects you don’t care about.

70. Do things that are uncool. Later on, they usually end up becoming cool anyway.

71. Find your voice.

72. Have some manners.

73. Learn to play chess, go, and bridge. They’ll keep you from going senile.

74. Learn about the Tetrapharmakos.

75. Find ways to cheat the system– just don’t cheat people.

76. Be like Jesus, not like his followers. (This applies to all of them.)

77. At least once, date someone that’s out of your league.

78. Examine your jealousy. You’ll learn a lot about yourself.

79. Good connections are about people, not social networks.

80. Address small problems. They will become big problems.

81. Dress like a cooler version of yourself.

82. Yes, there is such a thing as bad press.

83. Add “adventurer” to your Twitter bio. Then, become one.

84. If the internet is the best thing in your life, you have a serious problem.

85. Give away your best work for free.

86. Find mentors. Just don’t call them that.

87. Actually write on your blog. Nobody cares if it’s hard.

88. Download Freedom. Use it for an hour every day.

89. Join a gym. Lift the heaviest you can. (This applies to girls too.)

90. Do some freewriting. It helps you think things through.

91. When you’re having supper with rich people, pick up the cheque.

92. Learn how to speak in public.

93. If you see someone who needs help, stop asking yourself if they need help. Instead, just help.

94. Bring a bottle of wine.

95. The best conversations are had side by side, not one in front of the other.

96. Protect your hearing. Trust me.

97. Do what’s most important first thing in the morning, before you check email.

98. Everyone feels like they’re not good enough. It’s not just you.

99. Courage is a learned skill.

100. Go to Iceland. It’s worth it.

We Are ALL Hoarders!

We are all Hoarders!

Everytime I watch that Hoarding Reality show on television I cringe.  Here are these helpless, fearful and anxious people being bullied, cajolled and guilted into changing their lives by well-meaning family and professionals.  What the public doesn't understand is not what is obvious. Yes, the hoarding behavior is harmful and can cause health issues to the Hoarder.   That it isn't logical that they live surrounded by garbage and things that are suffocating them.

What they fail to understand is the subconsciously powerful impulse and urge to feel safe.  And the 'things' hoarded represent safety and familiarity.  And we all hoard something in our lives, whether it's a relationship, old clothing, or an attitude.

All of us hold on to outdated crap because we feel it still fits.  Imagine going into your closet and trying to put on what you wore as a 6 year old.  That's what the mind does.  Holds on to childhood beliefs and tries to make it 'fit'.  Or that pair of jeans that fit you once and you hold on with the hope that you'll get into them one day. 

Our thinking mind (logical mind) may justify why we hold on to weight, continue smoking, feel anxiety, etc.  We hoard bad relationships because staying is easier than leaving.  We endure crappy jobs that are unfulfilling because it takes too much effort to look for another and often justify behavior (staying and hating it) because it will offer up the "same crap, different office".  We hoard our angers because it's "their fault".  We refuse to fly in an airplane because it's dangerous.  We wash our hands over and over again because there are germs everywhere, unseen, and it's best to be preventative.  See what I mean about justifying?

But the key to our hoarding is that security really is what's familiar.  Our feeling mind (subconscious) drives our behaviour by our experiences.  It is an automatic, habitual mind.  100% percent of what is in our subconscious closet is based on beliefs that we formed as kids.  A fear of not being loved formed when Mom doesn't give the attention you need in a given moment.  Our beliefs are formed around perceptions of events, coming from a feeling (sad) and a thought (Mom doesn't love me/think I'm important, etc).  It has nothing to do with rationalization because during this innocent time we have no rational mind to logically analyze that logically, Mom loves us. She's just busy, or had a bad day, or has PMS.  From that first moment, that belief affects how we see ourselves in the world, as unlovable.  And if we are unlovable, we can't be worth much.  So it shows up in our relationships, be they of the heart or of the workplace or social.  Thus all the clothing from infancy to about 6 years old is still in our closets today.  The conscious mind may want to revamp that closet.  It may understand that these outfits, labels, and perceptions don't fit.   But this same mind is up against the inner mind, who guards what it believes YOU believe with ruthless efficiency.  And if that logical thought isn't in line with the beliefs we hold subconsciously, it won't let it in.  So the new outfit gets thrown in the trash or given to Sally Ann.

I want to lose weight.  That's the thought.  Logical/thinking mind analyzes it for harmony with existing beliefs.  It finds that the subconscious mind holds a belief that you think you're ugly or not lovable, that to be skinny would attract the opposite sex and then you'd be in a situation where you'd fail anyway because you're not lovable so it keeps the weight on AS A SHIELD on the body.  As long as the weight is on, you don't have to face the unlovable feeling, the sad feeling, etc.

I want to have a clean, uncluttered life.  Again, that's a thought.  And if there is a belief about your not having control, that you are not capable enought, smart enough, confident enough, good enough, then you find control wherever you can.  In the case of hoarders, it's control of your home and what you put in it and keep stored inside it.  The lose of the control is likened to the loss of the self and all that is important to you and what defines you. A hoarder doesn't define himself as a hoarder.  He defines himself as someone who needs to hold on to things.  For emotional safety. 

So, to heal this pattern of behavior one needs to examine the powerful engine behind the actions.  To seek help to heal the past and not just what is happening in the now.  To address the issue directly is like pulling weeds and expecting them to be gone forever.
The root is still below the surface and regrows with any stimulation.  It's like looking at an iceberg and seeing only the tip.  But under the surface exists its vast bulk, below the level of what the eye can see.

Know that each of use has the ability to change our minds.  But we must first arrive at the point where we ask ourselves, "Have I had enough yet?"  We can clear out the debris that surrounds us or drown under the weight of the same debris disguised as protection.  Find help that involves reaching into the inner mind that can and will change.  Know that the process is wrought with emotion but sit in the knowledge that whatever caused the hurts were survived for the proof is that you are here. 

A New Way Of Looking At A New Year...Lie....Cheat...Drink, Swear and Steal

This year, be sure to

LIE, CHEAT, DRINK, SWEAR and STEAL

more than you did last year.

"At the beginning of each new year, it is traditional to make resolutions about things that we want to accomplish in the year to come.

Usually, they have to do with losing weight, trying to stop smoking, working harder, getting fit, taking a course or something like that. Often our resolutions are more to impress other people than to improve ourselves and the problem is that we seldom take them seriously therefore we seldom accomplish them.

This year let's come up with resolutions that are fun, easy to comply with and that will make a big difference in our lives.

From now on resolve to LIE, CHEAT, DRINK, SWEAR and STEAL more than you have before.

LIE back and relax just a little more this year. Let a little more life happen to you. Take time to appreciate the wonder of life. Stop and watch a sunset. Get up early and experience a sunrise. When you are feeling stressed and overwhelmed stop a moment and ask “Is it worth it? How important is it really? I don't think that anyone on their deathbed has ever regretted not working harder but I'll guarantee that many people regret not having had more fun and taking more time to enjoy life.

CHEAT failure. Don't be afraid to try something new because you think you may fail. Be excited at the opportunity just because you might succeed. The only true failure is the failure to attempt. The feeling of failure is merely that, a feeling. Failure is really just getting a result that you did not expect or want. By reviewing your actions and evaluating the result you are now in a great position to start again more intelligently, at least you know what doesn't work. So cheat failure!  Learn from your results and fail forward.

DRINK from the fountain of knowledge. Learn as much as you can about as much as you can. Many people have already been down the roads you want to travel. You can gain from their experience by learning from the mistakes they made and the successes they achieved. Take what you learn from them and use it to make your journey easier.

SWEAR to do your best. All the time, in every situation. That is all anybody will ever ask. You can't do better than your best and you should resolve to never do less than your best. Treat everything that you do as important. Remember that every action is a building block of your past and the foundation of your future.

STEAL a little time for yourself. Everyday take a little time to develop a stronger relationship with the one and only YOU. Realise that you are the most important person in your life for without you, there is nothing else in your life. The state that you are in will determine the shape of your world so go ahead, treat yourself as the special creation that you are. The world will not come to an end if you take a break but you might break down if you don't. Remember that when you are running so fast to get where you are going you miss all the wonder that this world is showing.

So, if you lie, cheat, drink, swear and steal just a little more in this year, you will have a profitable and enjoyable year."

Thank you, John, for sharing this and I'm paying it forward!

Holding A Grudge Is Letting Someone Live Rent Free In Your Head!

I heard this little ditty recently when my Boyfriend brought it up in his humorous way (not directed at me, of course).  It made me think more deeply about the work I do with Clients to help them free themselves from old and new hurts in their bleeding hearts. Many enter my office with guns drawn, aimed at all those people that have caused them grief, guilt, anger, sadness, shame and a plethora of other wounds.  After an initial venting period, which is helpful in itself, in which I listen and nod to let them know I hear what they are saying, I then say, at the risk of being shot myself, “What if I told you that these feelings hurt no one but you?   That no one nor anything can actually hurt you unless you let them?”   Most of the time my client will then nod to me in agreement and express with frustration that they just can’t help themselves.  A small majority look at me like I’ve grown a second head!

The statement that others make us feel a certain way is FALSE.  It’s not your boyfriend or girlfriend who’s made you sad, or angry, or guilty or alone. No one makes you feel anything.  You allow YOURSELF to feel certain feelings based on your perception of what others are saying or doing to you.  Here enters an ability we all have to help guide us through life’s tribulations - free will.  It is important to know then, that we ALL react from our own, limited perceptions of ourselves and the world.  We base our beliefs on perceptions that were not ours to begin with. They were those passed along by our family, our religious or spiritual Leaders, our ethnic backgrounds, our society.  We were taught to act in a certain way, think in a certain way, feel in a certain way based on what was expected of us. And how did we form these perceptions of ourselves and our place?  Based on EMOTIONS.. how something FELT when we first experienced it.  Although our learning was taught to us with our “best interests at heart” by our major role models, the education we received on how to navigate the world was not always good for us.  For example, if a Mother stays in a violent relationship, her daughter may likely find herself in an abusive relationship as an adult because this is what she perceives to be her worth.  It was what she witnessed as a child!  That is what she learned from watching her Mother.  She learned that “love hurts”.  Is there a choice?  Yes, there is always free will!

Nothing that anyone says or does to us affects who we are.  Listen again, very closely, to this basic truth…..NOTHING that anyone SAYS or DOES to us affects WHO WE ARE.  Only allowing it to affect us can do that.  People judge based on their OWN perceptions, their OWN beliefs, their OWN preconceived notions of how others should think, act and behave.  They use their OWN measuring stick based on all that they learned from their OWN family’s education.  Is it the truth?  It is for them and only them.  It is not about YOU. When someone judges us, they are mirroring their own dissatisfactions about themselves and their world ONTO you.  And that can’t hurt you.  Whatever someone SAYS or DOES to you cannot hurt you.  It’s the old “Sticks and stones may break my bones but WORDS will never hurt me”.  This is the truth! What CAN hurt you is the ALLOWING of the words to affect you.  And only YOU can do that.  Just THINKING about something someone said or did to you can hurt you.  Because thought gives the words and actions POWER.  That is what is meant by “giving your Power away”.  You give the other person’s words and actions POWER because you gave their words and actions your thought….your attention.  And you have CHOICES. You always have the CHOICE to ignore those things, to choose which things that truly call for action and which do not. It’s always YOUR choice to act on something or to ignore it.

Is this person (or situation) still in your head, raising hell, because you allow it? Yes, you let them live there. Perhaps for a week or a month or for years!!! Take time to examine the anger or frustration you feel. And look deeper to find the sadness underneath as a deep sea diver searching for buried treasure.  The gold you will find is in the quiet depths of your mind, the insight that has always been there.  Perhaps you’ll find that you hold the grudge because this person’s words or actions had you feeling small or helpless.  And to feel this way and have this thought then there must be a core belief giving it power.  So the words thrust at you in anger or jealousy in themselves had no effect unless you allowed them in to trigger an old, outdated belief about yourself. So you can look at yourself and ask, “Am I really small and helpless or do I have a choice to continue believing this?”  The answer will invariably be ‘no’.  By holding on to a grudge, it’s you that hurts yet expect the other person to be the one to hurt.  Rather than continue, a call to action is required and that action is forgiveness.  Forgiveness isn’t something to be doled out sparingly to those we feel deserve it.  It isn’t given out rated on the degree of harm or injury to yourself.  It is instead a deliberate thought process powered by feelings (positive feelings, that is) that sets you free.  It allows you to vacate the part of your mind that has occupied a free-loader.  Remember that you are the Landlord, and that it is your right to say “enough”.  And with that clean and empty room in the house of your Mind, you can choose peace and self esteem to decorate the space that is ultimately yours.

 

A Chinese Parable That Teaches Self Acceptance

An elderly Chinese woman had two large pots, each hung on the ends of a pole which she carried across her shoulders.  One of the Pots had a crack in it while the other pot was perfect and always delivered a full portion of water. At the end of the long walk from the stream to her house, the cracked pot arrived only half full. For a full two years this went on daily, with the woman bringing home only one and a half pots of water. Of course, the perfect pot was proud of its accomplishments. But the poor cracked pot was ashamed of its own imperfection and miserable that it could only do half of what it had been made to do.

After 2 years of what it perceived to be bitter failure, it spoke to the woman one day by the stream. "I am ashamed of myself because this crack in my side causes water to leak out all the way back to your house."

The old woman smiled, "Did you notice that there are flowers on your side of the path, but not on the other pot's side? That's because I have always known about your flaw, so I planted flower seeds on your side of the path, and every day while we walked back, you watered them. For two years I have been able to pick these beautiful flowers to decorate my table. Without you being just the way you are, there would not be this beauty to grace the house."Each of us has our own unique flaw. But it's the cracks and flaws we each have that make our lives together so very interesting and rewarding."

To love is to look for the good in anything and anyone.  If you look with your heart you will find that each of us is beautifully unique. Imagine what the world would be like if we were all the same...cut from the same cookie cutter?  Dull is what I think.  Our personalities, our experiences, our beliefs and thoughts all form the amazing people we are.  If we could see the beauty in each other, we would see that what truly unites us is our Spirit..our Essence.  The outside may look different.  Our strengths may differ.  But we are all equally worthy and all creators with a right to the space we occupy in this World. 

If you believe differently, I ask you respectfully to examine your beliefs and from where they came.  Perhaps they weren't yours to begin with but passed along by family and/or circumstances.  Then ask yourself, "Is this my truth?"  And then quietly 'feel' the answer come to you for your heart will whisper or roar what your truth really is.  Be surprised, be moved, be questioning.  For you can change your beliefs simply by beginning to observe them.