It’s St. Valentine’s Day and for many, it is a day of dread and emotional turmoil. For many, there is no one to share the celebration of Love with. For others, it’s a sad reminder of the deterioration of their relationship and even finding a card is a challenge as they don’t “feel the love”. “All human beings are involved in relationships, often several simultaneously. Whether these relationships involves child-parent, husband-wife, employer-employee, teacher-student, lover-lover, friend-friend or individual-group, relationships can and do develop problems, misunderstandings, differences, changes of feelings or other challenging elements,” says Rosa Livingstone, principal of A Load Off Your Mind Hypnotherapy in New Westminster, B.C. “Relationship problems can affect home life, work, education, attitude, and motivation, and even health. Symptoms of relationship discord may include anger, sadness, hurt, and loss of self-esteem, depression and anxiety. Hypnotherapy can uncover the causes of such problems, getting to the “heart” of the matter and bringing to it the healing power of understanding. Hypnotherapy can eliminate feelings of rejection, hurts, frustration and resentments. Communications can be re-established, confidence reacquired and creative solutions developed.
The clients whom she sees all suffer from compromised self esteem at one level or another. Some are unable to maintain a relationship. Others are struggling within a relationship. The underlying issue is that logically, they are not aware of the cause. Logically, the mind justifies and gives explanations for their situations such as, “it’s not me, it’s her/him”, “He tells me I’m needy yet I don’t call or email more than a few times a day”, “She’s a great Lady but after a few months, I felt it was time to move to the next level and I didn’t feel the same way anymore”. The logical part of the mind can explain away anything. It’s what helps us make sense of our worlds. However, we live our lives behind an unseen wall of emotional fears and anxieties. It’s the emotional distress each client presents with that cannot be rationalized. ``It is coming from the subconscious mind, the seat of all our emotions based on our beliefs about ourselves and our World. This part of our mind is 95% of our functioning. 95% of the time, we are all reacting to old programming learned as a child,`` explains Rosa.
But, the common thread here is fear. Fear of being judged. Fear of not being good enough. Fear of not living up to others expectations. Fear of speaking our minds. Fear of disappointment and of disappointing. Fear of rejection. And ALL of these fears are based upon a belief compromising self esteem.
In the example of “It’s not me, it’s him”, a client felt that she does everything to make her partner happy. The underlying issue for her was that she wasn’t good enough. With her underlying fear of rejection, she overcompensated by trying to be what he wanted at all times. This is difficult at best but what can often happen is that a person loses their own identity in a relationship. In this case, she was actually smothering her husband.
Perhaps the most important challenge in relationships is communication. Merely talking things out is an indispensable feature, but it is much more simply said than done. Why? The response is that numerous people do not communicate efficiently. It is not that they don't desire to - they may urgently desire to work out problems, clarify viewpoints, and talk about differences. The difficulty may be that they cannot communicate since even with sensitive ears they cannot hear!
Communication can trigger all sorts of emotional hurts when the hurts are close to the surface. This causes guards to come up, barriers to be fortified and listening skills to fly out the window. It becomes about self protection and preservation.
Through Rosa`s Hypnotherapy practice, she offers the opportunity for people to heal relationship challenges. She assists individuals learn to have authentic relationships by helping them to heal from the inside. She offers clients her own non judgemental care and acceptance in the conduction of these sessions and assisting in gaining access to the powerful subconscious mind where true transformations can, and do, occur.