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Monday, 11 January 2016

Like engineers, we all draft and work from a blueprint, one that contains the history of all of our experiences all the way back to the womb. And within this blueprint is a series of expectations built from the foundation of our childhood bonding or disconnection with parental role models. No one escapes this.

Raised with secure loving patterns and expectations, we feel our own sense of worth in the world and we subconsciously expect the same in our adult relationships. We navigate our lives, which are filled with all types of relationships, in a state of ease vs. uneasiness.

When those patterns are stitched together with threads of criticism, fear and judgment, no matter how much or how little it is experienced in our early childhood, we sew these effects into our internal blueprint of self value.  All infants are born with an instinctual sense to bond with their caregivers, even before there is thought to apply to the concept and words to attach the though. Infants look for queues about their value through their connections with Mom and Dad.  This tie that binds children and parents leads the infant to experience pleasure, joy, and safely…or not. And these impressions form the blueprint we work from in what we expect from others we bond with or want to bond with.  Our cup is either flowing or seriously lacking with self worth and this is the paint with which we colour our relationships.

What you expect tends to be realized and so many of us expect less than we deserve or expect more than it’s possible for anyone to give back.  If we fed our own sense of self esteem we would be much happier because nothing outside ourselves can fill the void of self love. Self love is the ink that we use to redraft our blueprint.  Self esteem is an appreciative opinion of oneself based on being accurately and honestly aware of our strengths, weaknesses and everything in between.  It is realizing that no matter what we do or how much we measure ourselves against others achievements, physical attributes, status or material wealth, we will never be anything other than ourselves and that is imperfect.  We are perfectly imperfect. And there lies our uniqueness in the face of billions of people.  No one the same.  No one exactly alike.  And that allows for us to re-forge the blueprint of our lives with the knowledge that we are all on the same journey with different paths to follow, with unique strengths and creative abilities to bring to the world.  No ego required.  Just an appreciation for our distinctness and how irreplaceable we are.